I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
