Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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