nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
