he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
