dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
