dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
