i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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