One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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