after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
