your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
