and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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