His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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