I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
