I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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