Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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