So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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