What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize