Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
