Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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