She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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