Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
