Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
