I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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