***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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