Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
