the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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