She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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