i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
