I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
