Don't you send me to vm
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
