Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize