Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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