i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
