You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
