I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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