She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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