Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
