Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
