I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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