pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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