I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
