I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
