Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
