Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i think my cat just said my name.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
