I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
