just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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