3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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