im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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