Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
