Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize