is your mom at the bar?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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