I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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