Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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