It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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