Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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