How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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