Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
