When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
