I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
