I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
