I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
there is glitter all over my balls
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
