VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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