Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
