I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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