Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
