We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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