I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
did i walk over a car last night?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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