I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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