By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
