I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Someone signed my nipple.
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