A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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