Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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