Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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