You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize